The Nothing Fight, Part 1

grocery shopping

I hate grocery shopping!

Let me rephrase that. I don’t mind grocery shopping, I actually kind of enjoy it when I can take my time, there’s lots of fresh produce to browse through, the aisles are almost void of people, and I don’t have to fight through crowds to get the last box of Kind brand granola bars, which, no surprise, isn’t caramel or peanut butter!

I live in an area that is a tourist trap three seasons out of the year, so as you can imagine, I never get the grocery store to myself. I find grocery shopping stressful because of the people. So many people are so rude and I feel like I have to fight people just to get a ripe banana and I loathe it!


In order to make my grocery shopping a more pleasurable experience, I practice the art of listening to “the nothing fight.”

If you haven’t heard Dane Cook’s stand-up about this, I highly recommend you do before you finish reading this blog post. You will appreciate the humor so much more!

It doesn’t happen every time, but whenever I am in a public place I like to listen for “the nothing fight,” and while I was at Wal-Mart a few months ago, I heard it!

I was perusing through the housing section, half looking at knives because we need new ones, and half looking at stuff I don’t need and dreaming about how it will look in the new house that is nowhere near being built yet.

I heard a woman say, “No, I like these.”

And the man replied, “They’re so tacky.”

I moved over to the next aisle where they were and pretended to look for glassware, which is the last thing we need because we received 5 different sets as wedding presents.

The man picks up a set of glasses that have no designs on them, they are just clear glasses and he says:

“Whatever happened to just plain old glasses, huh? What’s so bad about plain Jane glasses?”

The woman replies, “They’re so boring.”

The couple goes back and forth, he’s defending the plain glasses and talking about how people fill their cabinets with glasses of cartoon characters and flowers as if they are committing some kind of great sin.

The woman retaliates with how cartoon characters and flowers are fun and how people that own them are the kind of people she wants to hang out with.

I didn’t realize you could tell so much about a person by the kind of glasses they have in their cabinet.

She wanted to buy the ones that said “Mr. and Mrs.” but the man just kept calling them tacky and after the woman finally gets fed up, she yells:

“You’re tacky!” As she places the “Mr. & Mrs.” glasses in the cart.

He mumbles something under his breath as he follows her and I have to turn my head into my shoulder and pretend to cough to cover my laugh.

I have to agree with Dane Cook. “Nothing fights” are so entertaining!

If you have a similar story I would love to hear about it, and if you’ve never kept an ear out for “the nothing fight,” I suggest you start! You will not be disappointed.

Love & life lessons,


This entry was posted in Laugh Out Loud, Recommendations (Pop Culture, Travel, Life), This Is Me and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

27 Responses to The Nothing Fight, Part 1

  1. Nova says:

    I’ll have to listen for these! I imagine I’ve missed epic ones while being in a fluster hurry.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Nova says:

    How did you not go to the glasses section to better mentally visualize?πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ That would have been my next stop!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ha ha I chuckled through this. Do not need to listen as I live this at work. Thank you for sharing and next time I hear one I will make mental note to send to you. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

  4. The Eclectic Contrarian says:

    I was in a store once and a retired couple were in there, obviously a wife looking for her husband a shirt for some particular reason. He was not interested at all and it was obvious. He pointed at a yellow polo shirt and the wife said β€œno!! You already have a yellow shirt!” He said β€œhow about this one?” She said β€œno!! Blue doesn’t look good on you!!” They just kept going and weren’t quiet at all.

    It was funny but really, isn’t that what we all aspire to be like?

    Liked by 2 people

  5. The V Pub says:

    I usually go shopping at lunch, so I miss the crowds. But, once in a while I’ll wander into Walmart, and there’s usually SOMETHING going on in that store. πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Brad Osborne says:

    I don’t usually make an effort to hear these kind of exchanges, but sometimes it is unavoidable. What I took away from the Dane Cook bit was that I am missing out on chances to insert myself in the fight. Not that sounds like good fun! Great post!

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Amir says:

    Reblogged this on Notes and commented:
    LOL, opposites attract πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I don’t mind food shopping either, I find it relaxing. But not when it’s the situation you described,lol. I have not listened to Dane Cook in such a long time! Must do that!

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Laura Beth says:

    My anxiety went through the roof about a month ago when I was grocery shopping at Harris Teeter, so Al helped me download the app, and we’ve ordered groceries through the app ever since. I’m far less anxious now. People are driving me nuts. I’m just grateful that most of my immediate family is staying safe and recognizing how dangerous and deadly this virus is. Thanks for the laugh – I needed it!

    Liked by 2 people

    • kristianw84 says:

      Yeah, I prefer supporting my local stores, because we are so rural, but I’ve been utilizing the Wal-Mart app for pick up for the same reasons. I’ve gotten to the point if I absolutely have to go into a store, I put in my headphones & listen to calming music. It helps me ignore the people.

      Glad the post made you laugh. I’m looking forward to the time when I can sit and people watch again, and listen for the nothing fight. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Pingback: The Nothing Fight, Part Two | Life Lessons From Around the Dinner Table

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