Dear Mom

Dear Mom.

Today is December 28th, 2016. It has been 1 year and 2 days since you left this world. I know it’s been quite some time since I have written, but I just couldn’t find the words I wanted to write to you.

A part of me doesn’t understand how I’m still standing.This time last year, I honestly didn’t believe I could live without you, Yet; here I am! I’ve learned a few things this past year, and most of them were either a slap in the face or a huge wake up call.

1.) The world does not stop just because yours has. -This was the hardest thing for me to face after I lost you. I felt like I was in a movie, my emotions, my feelings, my thoughts on display for everyone to see. Time stood still for a while and my chest constricted so tightly it was hard to breathe.

2.) My desire to become a mom has greatly increased. I want the bond that I lost back. While I’ll never truly have what I had with you again, I can build a relationship with my child and have yet another unbreakable bond to help fill this hole in my heart.

3.) Life goes on. Whether I want to or not, there are people who depend on me, and I must keep moving.

4.) I will never be exactly the same person I was before you left, and that’s okay. I shouldn’t be, a part of me died 1 year and 2 days ago as well.

5.) I am stronger than I knew I was. I made it, a year and 2 days later, and I made it. Some days are harder than others. I’ll be writing a grant, or reporting data and all of a sudden I break down, for no real reason. It just hits me out of left field, and I have to close my door and bury my face in a pile of tissues, but it’s okay. I’m getting by, and I’m exactly where I need to be. I’ve gotten through this, I can get through anything!

6.) Big changes after a tragic loss are scary. – I’ve never been one to really fear change. Of course, there is always fear of the unknown, but I’ve always prided myself on adapting well to changes. I’m in a position now where I’m not really sure what’s going to happen to my job, my department, or even really this agency once Trump is sworn into presidency. I’m not sure I even want to stay where I am, but I’m holding on, if nothing else so that I can get some more experience under my belt, and possibly move onward & upward, find other passions of mine, where I’m still helping people.

I’m sure there have been other lessons as well, but these are the ones that really caught me off guard. Oh mommy, I miss you terribly. I want to wrap my arms around you and breathe in your scent. I want to watch Crazy Stupid Love with you because it’s my new favorite Rom Com, and I think you would like it. I want to sip chocolate covered cherry coffee and eat peanut butter cookies with you. Christmas just wasn’t the same without you. Fortunately, Amanda, Ashley, and Khristyn checked in on me frequently, I have some pretty amazing friends. Grandma called and sent me a lovely card. Neil, of course, is my rock, like always. Uncle Dick and Brian called me on Christmas day! I was so surprised to hear from Brian, but it was so nice to talk to him!

Amanda, Adam, Landen, Neil and I have been spending a lot of time together. We try to get together at least once a month. Neil and Landen have been playing video games, and Amanda and I are making new holiday & non-holiday traditions. Our husbands laugh at us, but we know they enjoy it too!

Your granddaughters have grown so much. Time needs to slow down. Jason sent me a family picture of them at Christmas, it was beautiful! I, of course, didn’t take as many pictures as I wanted to. Neil got me a professional camera for Christmas, so it’s my goal to take more pictures in 2017.

My goals for this year are to get back on track with my daily exercises and clean eating. I was angry at myself for getting off track, but I’m trying not too beat myself up about it. This past year was a really tough year for me, and it’s never too late so start again.

Olivia is beautiful. I haven’t seen her in a while, but I can’t wait to see her, hopefully soon, and catch up with Ashley.

Marcia moved and is working with dolphins. I am so proud of her for chasing her dreams, but I miss her. Neil and I have talked about taking a trip down south to see her.

Well, I will close with this for now. I miss you mommy! I know you enjoyed Christmas in Heaven! Give my love to everyone, and tell Grandpa Grab the Steelers are in the playoffs! We are number one in our division!!! Woohoo!

“I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living, your baby I’ll be.” I love you, mom!

Love always,

Your baby girl

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52 Weeks of Gratitude Challenge. Weeks 44 & 45

My life has recently been thrown into a chaotic whirlwind, and last week I barely found the time to breathe. I miss blogging when I don’t keep up with it though, so I’m at least going to catch up on this challenge!

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Week 44: Your favorite holiday

My favorite holiday is Christmas (Thanksgiving is a very close second). I love everything about Christmas… celebrating our Savior’s birth, the lights, the presents (mostly giving, but I enjoy getting too 😉 ), the decorations, food, music, movies, festivities!! I am all about traditions, and Christmas has lots of them! This time of year brings out the child in me.

It is tradition in my family to give each other an ornament every year. We usually tape it to the outside of the package. This will be the first year I don’t receive one from my mom and it breaks my heart. However, I did do an ornament exchange with my husband. I plan to share an entire post about this next week!

This year my husband and I started a new tradition together, a Christmas date night in. Just the two of us, no tablets, phones, completely unconnected until the end of the day when we share our photos & day with friends on Facebook. We watched Christmas movies, listened to music, made a crock-pot meal, decorated ginger bread houses, and just hung out! We are already talking about what we want to do for next years date!! This got me into the Christmas spirit!

This year has been harder for me to get into the spirit than usual. Christmas was my mom’s favorite holiday and she and I have shared many traditions over the years. It’s not the same without her, but I’m making new traditions, while keeping some of the old ones, and I’ll always have her with me, even if she’s not here physically.I promised my mom before she died that after she was no longer with me, that I wouldn’t stop loving Christmas, that I would continue to act like a child this time of year and get excited, and of course, to remember it’s true meaning. This was hard for me at first, I didn’t want to even celebrate it at all, but I forced myself, because I make a point to never break my promises, and that was something my mom always admired about me. So I went all out! Every inch of my living room is decorated, my kitchen, dinning room, and even bathroom have decorations. I went all out. I even made a new wreath for my front door! I think my mom would have loved it, and I know she’d be proud of me!

What is your favorite holiday?

 

Week 45:

What do you do for fun?

I do many things for fun, such as; reading, writing, crafting, baking, cooking, watching movies, listening to music, hanging out with friends, planning date nights with my husband, photography, scrapbooking etc…

This weekend I’m going to geek out over Christmas movies, baking, and finishing my Christmas cards. For the last two years I have made my Christmas cards, and this year is no exception. If I have your address, you’ll be receiving a card this week. I’m a little later than usually. I like for people to receive my cards the week before Christmas, but as I mentioned earlier, my life has been crazy hectic, and by the time I get home. I’m just too exhausted.

This weekends fun includes:

  • Finishing Christmas cards and getting them out in the mail
  • Baking Peanut Butter Cornflake Candy
  • Watching A Christmas Carol
  • Getting ready for the Asset Development Christmas party on Monday (wrapping my gift for the Chinese gift exchange, making macaroni & cheese, and laying out my Christmas sweater & accessories.
  • Wrapping my dad’s presents
  • Writing my grocery list for Christmas Eve & Christmas dinner (I already have the ham! Yes, I love making lists)
  • Watching The Polar Express
  • Cookie baking with my friend Amanda

I think that’s it for now. What do you like to do for fun?

 

Love & life lessons,

Kristian

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Character to Music Tag

I was tagged by the wonderful B.W. at gettingthroughanxiety who created this fun tag! I have decided to do it!!

The Rules:

1.) Choose 5 or more characters from a book, show, or movie

2.) For each character, pick at least one song you think they’d listen to and try to explain your reason for picking that song

3.) Tag whoever you want

4.) HAVE FUN!

My Characters:

1.) Dean Winchester from Supernatural  (Come on, you all saw that one coming!) I have an obsession, I know!

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We all know Dean loves classic rock. Zeppelin, Metallica, ACDC, just to name a few. His favorite songs are Traveling Riverside Blues and Ramble on, both by Led Zeppelin. Bon Jovi is okay on occasion, and we have seen Dean’s softer side when he sings”I can’t Fight this Feeling Anymore” by REO Speedwagon and “All Out of Love” by Air Supply. So with all of this information it is hard to narrow it down to one song. I have always associated the song “Unforgiven” by Metallica with Dean, but everybody knows that Dean loves Metallica, so I have chosen something more modern.

My song Choice For Dean is:

“S.O.B” by Nathaniel Rateliff & The Night Sweats. I could just see Dean drumming his thumbs on the steering wheel as he drives his beloved Impala down the highway!

2.) Dexter Morgan from Dexter

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Dexter is a serial killer, but he only kills the guilty, so he feels that this justifies his crime.

My Song choice for Dexter is:

“Oh Death” by Jen Titus. I can just imagine him softly singing it as he cuts his victim up and puts him in a big, black, trash bag!

3.) Wonder Woman from DC Comics

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Wonder Woman can kick butt and chew bubble gum at the same time! She’s strong, fierce, and doesn’t mind showing the world that she doesn’t need a man to save her!

My Song choice for Wonder Woman is:

“You Better Run” by Pat Benatar – I could just see her fighting off her enemies while Jamming to this song!

4.) Andy Dwyer from Parks and Recreation

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Andy is what I like to call “adorably stupid.” He is definitely not the sharpest tool in the shed, but you can’t help but love him. He’s a big goof ball, but he’s romantic in his own way, and very sweet. He’d do anything for anyone.

My song choice for Andy is:

“Bicycle Race” by Queen. – I chuckle just thinking about it. I can picture him riding his bike while singing along and passing by Leslie’s office and making a huge mess in the office. Papers would be flying everywhere, Leslie would become Angry and try to chase him around the office, only causing more chaos, his wife April would chuckle and shake her head, and Ron would just sigh and look annoyed.

5.) Castiel From Supernatural

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Cas is adorable, and often confused because he doesn’t understand human feelings or much about the world really.

My song choice for Cas is:

“Saturday Night” by the Bay City Rollers – Cas would have no idea what the lyric mean, or why most people look forward to Saturday Night, but I can picture him finding the tune catchy. He would bob his head around and ask Sam & Dean a bunch of questions about the song.

 

This tag was so much fun! I tag everybody!! Thanks B.W. for the tag!!

Love & life lessons,

Kristian

 

 

 

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These are a few of my favorite things #3

Originally posted on Rest in Piece: Do you want to read…..About a young girl who does what she can to save the lives and souls of others? About parents who love their daughter and are forced to believe the unbelievable? About ghosts, angels, and demons? About creating something that can change how you look at the world around you?…

via Do You Wanna Read… — Getting Through Anxiety

“Raindrops on roses & whiskers on kittens, playing with my beautiful niece, & reading a book called rest in Piece.”

Okay….I haven’t actually read the book yet because I am currently participating in an online Bible study, but it is waiting for me to read it! I want to share the book anyway, because my friend B.W. at Getting Through Anxiety wrote it, and as a writer myself, I am so extremely excited for her!!! This is her first published book and it sounds awesome. I think you guys should check it out!!

Love & life lessons,

Kristian

Posted in Reblogs from people I follow, Things I love | Tagged , | 3 Comments

52 Weeks of Gratitude Challenge. Week 43

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Week 43: A Mentor/Teacher

For this one I actually have two.

My Creative writing & English teacher is high school. Ms. Spiker.

Ms. Spiker taught me a lot about grammar, but she was also very enthusiastic. She believed in me and pushed me to keep writing. She was the third teacher I had to encourage me to write a novel. She believes that I can truly publish one, and I’m currently working on that goal! Ms. Spiker also submitted two of my poems into a book. I’m sorry, I cannot remember the name, but I currently have three of my poems published. Two are because of Ms. Spiker. Those poems are about 9/11 & one I had written about my grandmother. The other poem I submitted myself, and that was about the birth of Christ.

My pastor when I was a preteen & teenager. Pastor Martin

Pastor Martin & I had a great relationship. He & i joked with one another, I babysat his kids, and his wife is wonderful! He is a great man, and I will always be grateful for his teachings, kindness, & leadership. Pastor Martin also pushed me to do my best, he believed in me, and he helped keep my focus on Christ and to not lose faith during hardships. Little did he know how much I would need those words of comfort & gentle reminders later in life.

Do you have a Mentor/Teacher that you are grateful for?

Love & life lessons,

Kristian

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Giving Back Part 4: $20 Amazon E-Gift Card Giveaway

Hey everyone! Confessions of a Reborn Girl is giving away an Amazon Gift card as a way of saying thank you for following her blog! She has a fantastic blog, if you’re not already following her, I highly recommend that you do!

It’s that wonderful time of year again where clouds fill up the sky, mugs of hot chocolate rest on the dinner table, bright lights shine I the night, and everybody is a little merrier. I want…

Source: Giving Back Part 4: $20 Amazon E-Gift Card Giveaway

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Let’s Have A Parade!!!- These are a Few of my Favorite Things #2

As far back as I can remember I have watched the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade every year!! It’s more about the tradition of it for me than it is the actual parade, but I absolutely love it!!! It’s the official kick off to the holiday season, and this year Macy’s celebrates their 90th parade!! Since I can remember the parade always starts off with Frank Sinatra’s “New York New York” I love that some things never change!!

Here are some of the things I am looking forward to seeing in this year’s parade:

Balloons:

  • TROLLS

    DREAMWORKS ANIMATION

    Poppy, Branch and Guy Diamond from the animated film Trolls have hitched a ride on the Caterbus to fly down the Parade route in larger-than-life fashion!

     

  • CHARLIE BROWN

    PEANUTS WORLDWIDE

    Good grief, indeed! Charlie Brown takes center stage during his debut flight this Thanksgiving!

     

     

  • HELLO KITTY

    SANRIO INC.

    Say hello to the sweetest girl in town! Topped off with her signature red bow, Hello Kitty has been taking to the skies since 2007.

    Floats:

  • TOM TURKEY

    MACY’S

    Decked in autumnal hues, Tom Turkey will march down the parade route, He also has been a part of the parade for as long as I can remember!!! Don’t you just love traditions?!!

     

  • HEARTWARMING HOLIDAY COUNTDOWN

    HALLMARK CHANNEL

    The 3D calendar on this three-story float will help kick off the holiday season with its showcase of merry scenes behind each date.

     

  • SNOOPY’S DOGHOUSE

    PEANUTS WORLDWIDE

    The iconic animated special A Charlie Brown Christmas comes to life on this float packed with gifts, a mailbox full of holiday wishes, Charlie Brown’s beloved tree and a decorated doghouse.I can’t even begin to tell you how much I love this!!!

     

  • TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES

    NICKELODEON

    I am a big fan of TMNT. Not so much the new animated cartoon, but I love the old ones, and the movies!!

     

  • IT’S ALL ROCK & ROLL

    GIBSON BRANDS®

    Featuring the biggest Gibson Les Paul guitar in history as its centerpiece (33 feet long and 21 feet tall), How cool is this?!

     

  • 1-2-3 SESAME STREET FLOAT

    SESAME WORKSHOP

    On the stoop of 1-2-3 SESAME STREET, fans of all ages will meet their favorite furry friends as they celebrate the holiday season! Sesame Street always has a cute float with some fun performers and kids!

    Performers:

     

  • BRETT ELDREDGE

  • ALOE BLACC

  • THE MUPPETS

  • The Radio City Rockettes

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They have also been a part of the parade for as far back as I can remember. I always enjoy watching them!

Marching Bands:

  • “THE PRIDE OF WEST VIRGINIA” – THE MOUNTAINEER MARCHING BAND

    MORGANTOWN, WEST VIRGINIA

    Woohooo!!!!! I live only an hour away from Morgantown and I love WVU football, and being a marching band geek myself, the bands are my favorite part of the parade! I am unbelievably excited for the WVU marching band! What an honor!!!

  • NYPD MARCHING BAND

    NEW YORK, NY

Representing the finest NYC has to offer, this band is always a crowd favorite! (I support our brothers and sisters in blue!)

 

Even though this next one is a float. I have to stick with tradition and end my blog post the same way the parade always ends, WITH THE JOLLY MAN IN THE RED SUIT!!!!

  • SANTA’S SLEIGH

    MACY’S

    I love this Santa! He’s vintage, he has the best suit, and he is always with his beloved Mrs. Claus. The Believe balloons surround him, and there’s just something that is so charming about it! Maybe it’s that it signifies that the holidays are officially here, maybe it’s that Christmas magic that brings out the child in each of us, or maybe, just maybe, it’s because he is the real Santa! 😉

    Happy Thanksgiving to you & yours,

    Kristian

    *Images & Descriptions are from http://social.macys.com/parade/2016 Except for the Rockettes, which were found on Google Images.

     

Posted in 2016, Comfort, Holidays, Memories, Things I love | Tagged , | 4 Comments

52 Weeks of Gratitude. Week 42

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Week 42: Your favorite possession

I didn’t even have to think twice about this one. Of course I am grateful for all of the things I own, but as far as my favorite…I have to say my 1965 Chevy Impala!

Now before you all shake your heads at me, knowing how big of a supernatural fan I am. This has actually been my dream car since I was 13 or 14. Supernatural didn’t come out until I was 20. Man oh man, is that car sexy though! I did want a 1967, but the 65  looks the same, and I actually like the tail lights a little better!

Mine is white, but I want to paint her black, I think it will look sexy with her red interior!

My dear reader, I introduce to you:

Betty!!

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What’s your favorite possession?

Love & life lessons,

Kristian

Posted in challenge, Gratitude, Things I love | Tagged , | 8 Comments

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

So I thought I would start this post to go along with the movement #itsthelittlethings

I enjoy spreading cheer, not just around the holidays, but all year long! I thought a great time to start would be around the holidays though!

I absolutely love Jimmy Fallon & the Roots. I also love Metallica, but both of them together? Well, it’s the greatest thing I’ve seen all day! So, I thought I would share it with you!

Enjoy!

Love & Life lessons,

Kristian

 

Posted in Movies, passion, Things I love | Tagged , | Leave a comment

52 Weeks of Gratitude Week 41

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Week 41: Hobbies

I have lots of hobbies! Card making, scrapbooking, writing, baking, photography, playing the clarinet, crafting all sorts of things, but most recently making fun snail mail for my pen pals!

Here are a few of my latest projects. I hope to update this more, maybe even some tutorials of crafts I make and recipe’s I bake/cook!

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A folder I made for one of my pen pals!

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Halloween Card I made

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My friend Ashley & I at the last Christmas concert we performed!

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One of my favorite pictures that I took at Ocean City, MD!

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Homemade Peanut Butter Brownie Cheesecake! Yum!!

penguin-ornament

Penguin ornament I made for a friend!

sunset

One of many sunsets I have taken, but this one is one of my favorites, definitely in my top 3!

wreath

Wreath I made for Neil’s aunt. I am a Steelers fan, so this just goes to show how much I loved her! 🙂

Neil and a few other people got together and got me a really cool professional camera for my birthday, which was last Saturday! It came with a lot of cool bells and whistles, so I’m hoping to take even more fantastic photos with it. I will be sharing those with all of you as well!

I am grateful that I have so many talents, and these things help me unwind and relax! So much fun!

What are your hobbies?

Love & life lessons,

Kristian

 

 

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