Throwback Thursday #19

During the lowest part of my life, I was betrayed by someone I completely trusted and thought would never hurt me. I tried to move past it, but the truth is, I never have. I tried to forgive and forget. Forgiveness came, but forgetting did not. As I learned to love myself, I started seeing other things I had overlooked. Sometimes it seems like I have wandered so far away from myself, but through learning to love myself again, I have found those parts of me that I missed. I am finally proud of the woman looking back at me in the mirror. I might get disappointed or angry with her sometimes, but I will never lose sight of her again.

My ability to pick myself up after being so broken for so long is one of the traits I most admire about myself. I wrote this poem a year ago when I started feeling so unimportant. I have put myself last for so long that I did not realize how deep in the sadness I was until it felt like I was drowning in quicksand, very slowly and unable to pull myself out.

As I have mentioned before, writing is extremely cathartic, and I have learned that when I share my truths, I always receive kind messages from others, letting me know I made them feel like they are not alone. That is always my hope as a writer. If sharing my pain can help someone else, well, there is my silver lining!

I hope this one speaks to you.

Love & life lessons,


Dull Edges

You’re asking me what I want for dinner
and I’m telling you how I never feel like I’m good enough

You’re handing me a paper from the doctor
and I’m handing you the poems I wrote when I was twenty-one and believed I was unworthy of love

You’re asking me to pass the hot sauce
and I’m almost laughing at the white knuckle grip I have on the bottle, so it doesn’t drop from my clumsy hands, and you notice yet, another flaw

You’re trying to do the mundane things, and I’m pouring out dull edges of truth that cut like thorns in my side

I can’t keep pretending like everything’s okay

The things I’ve done are mostly sad
The movies that play behind closed eyes often sting
This life has made its home in my bones
and I can hear the floors creak every time I rise

This entry was posted in Lessons, Poetry and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

19 Responses to Throwback Thursday #19

  1. parkermccoy says:

    I’m glad you have moved on to a happier place, Kristian. You definitely deserve happiness! Hard times are tough. Time stops. And then, little by little, it starts up again. Then you realize that time does move on, beyond the good times but beyond the bad times, too. We all have murky waters. We just have to keep steering the boat in our short time in this place.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Brad Osborne says:

    Open, genuine, and powerful! I hope you never lose sight of the strong person you are.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. kenhume31 says:

    Brilliant poem Kristian! Honest; raw and insightful! 🤔🤔👌👌👏👏❤️❤️ Some folk are great at pointing out the flaws in people! 🙁

    Liked by 1 person

  4. kenhume31 says:

    Thanks. Ah, it happened years ago. You don’t forget it but you do learn from it. Sorry to hear you went through it too!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. The rawness of the emotions were so clearly evidenced in your written words. This might be the first time that, while I related to them as I do to everything you write, I could see YOU in the words and not just myself. My heart aches for the person who wrote them, and my heart feels pride in knowing that the person who wrote them is learning to change the idea that this is where she chooses to reside. Floors creak because they no longer fit together as they should – and rising up causing those creaks is a signal that it’s time to repair or remove those floorboards!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Laura Beth says:

    I’m the same way. Hugs to you!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. joyroses13 says:

    It takes courage to move on and forgive! Proud of you and so glad you are in a better place now.
    Most definitely keep sharing your story, it can be someone else’s survival guide and yes, lets them know they aren’t alone! I keep learning this, for it can be hard to make ourselves vulnerable and share our pain but your story may be what someone really needs to hear! 💕(((Hugs)))

    Liked by 1 person

  8. johncoyote says:

    I loved the poetry and a beautiful photo.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s