The Letter Under My Pillow

My semblance grows weary as my heart tries to understand why it was ever broken

So much time has passed, yet my tears still fall copiously over the broken promises spoken

~

Another boat provided your comfort when the calming tide turned rough

But it was I who was struck by the storm, the continuous lightning and thunder,

Reminders that I was never good enough.

~

I had forgotten what this feels like. This pain of the matterless tears that I cry

But when I asked if you even thought of me, a simple “no” came your reply.

~

And once again I became that book, alone and forgotten on the shelf

My bright and shiny cover no longer entertaining, you needed something new to amuse yourself

~

All I have ever wanted was for someone to hold me close,

Someone who wants to keep reading, losing sleep from turning pages

Someone who could read through my lines, wanting to understand all my words and phrases

~

I don’t quite think you understand the extent of this pain you have caused

And try as I might to express these thoughts, all that comes out is pause

~

How do I tell you my fire dies with the falling of every new snow?

And I know I, too, made mistakes, but thoughts of you halted

My making you reap what you sowed

~

I want to feel like the women you follow, commenting on all of their beautiful vessels

but it is hard when I am sitting next to you, feeling like something far less than special

~

I want to believe you had no intentions behind the oceans of tears I have cried

But I have to admit I am scared where I sit because I don’t want to fall for your lies

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