Onward and Upward

On December 13, 2022, I graduated Summa Cum Laude from the University of Maryland (Online Campus). I majored in Business Administration with a minor in English. I had other goals throughout the year that I did not stick to consistently, but I put school first, and it paid off wonderfully!

The holidays, celebrations, and life, in general, have not been very pleasant the past few months. Let me rephrase that. In some ways, they have been wonderful, but sickness has hit my family hard. Life-threatening illnesses, and as a caregiver to two members, I am stressed, emotional, worried, confused, angry, sad, happy, and hopeful all at the same time. It is a bit overwhelming.

I spent some time with my thoughts this morning. I wrapped up in my hoodie and sweatpants, stood on my front porch, and felt the cool breeze whip through my hair as I searched for that perfect angle as I watched the sunrise. Once the picture was snapped, I lifted my coffee cup, relishing in the warm steam emitting from my mug as I brought it to my lips. Welcoming the warm, glorious liquid of comforting brain juice.

I stood and watched until the colors faded. My neighbors probably think I am absolutely crazy because I will stand out in the cold dead of winter to stare at the sky.

It is okay that people label me crazy. I do think many of them confuse crazy with passion. So allow me to clarify…

I am bat-shit passionate!

As I looked around, I was reminded this morning of how much I love the little things. There have been several reminders of little things lately that warm my soul, and they bring with them a sense of hope.

Last October, I had a dream where I was sitting on a bench next to my mother. She looked happy and healthy, and I was glad she was no longer suffering. She grabbed my hand and told me that things were about to get very hard, and I would struggle for a bit, but then I would enter the next chapter of my life, and it would be better than anything I could possibly imagine.

I cannot say that this is some message of hope from the great beyond, but I am choosing to cling to the faith that it is. I need some good news in my life, and the dreams I have of the life I want to build are designed to feel like a life I do not need to take a vacation from. Before my mother died, she wrote me a letter. In that letter, she told me she wanted me to live life to the fullest. To chase my dreams, grab onto hope with both hands and fight for the life I want.

My mother had a love for geese. She loved hearing them as they flew overhead, she enjoyed watching them in the snow, and I never really understood her love for them until she was no longer living. This morning, while watching the sunrise, the geese flew overhead, and it made me think of my mom. The colors painted in the clouds reminded me that my future looks bright ahead, and while things are not great at the moment, there is always room for hope, especially as I work to achieve my dreams. Determined Kristian has taken over, and I can assure you from past experiences once that happens, there is no stopping me. I am as stubborn as the day is long. I will fight for the life I want!

Finally earning my bachelor’s degree and graduating with the highest honors taught me that I am capable of far more than I give myself credit for. I am determined to reach my health and fitness goals this year, and I would not call it a resolution, as I have been on this journey for a while now. It just took me a long time to find my balance. I am still not where I want to be, but I am further than where I started, and I am seeing progress, and that is what I am after… progress, not perfection.

I am determined to build a life full of little things: sunrises, sunsets, conversations over coffee, slow dances in the kitchen, laughter, and new memories.

I wish the same for you, my friends! Happy New Year!

Love & life lessons,

Kristian

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