Throwback Thursday #11

I thought I’d dig a little further back for this week’s poem. I forget how good some of those poems are because I feel like I have grown as a writer. However, I want to share the poems that still hold up.

I posted “everything remains the same” in 2020, but I wrote it in 2018. It was three years after a betrayal from someone I thought would never hurt me, and I was deep in my feelings. I felt like I wasn’t good enough, always second best, and like I wasn’t important.

It seems these feelings still wax and wane at times. Perhaps they always will.

Love & life lessons,


everything remains the same

i lift my skirt

up to my knees

walk through the field of sunflowers

barefoot and laughing

you see i’ve learned

to count my blessings –

to stop and smell the flowers

and feel the sun shine upon my face

still, it’s hard

not to dwell on all my heartaches

i walk on through this field

through the grass

grown brown and still

not comprehending why

it’s so damn hard

to let go of my pain

and past these flowers

sits an old ford truck

broken, rusted, and

sinking into this field

collecting drops of rain

and it’s hard not to

feel empathy for this

broken piece of metal

but still, I see the beauty

that remains

and looking back

on all these crimson sunsets

in these foggy

cut-throat mornings

i have grown weary

and if i spoke these words

from the dark and cobwebbed

corners of my mind

if i let them slip passed

my dried and cracked lips

would anyone even hear me?

if you were here

i’d let my blouse fall to the floor

and the braids fall from my hair

then i’d kiss you

with my quivering mouth

so plain

outside the rain

would beat upon our

metal roof

and the thunder

would applaud

the love we make

they say god doesn’t give us

more than we can carry

well, I don’t know that I believe in god

but I do believe in love

for it is the only thing

that has kept me sane

there’s something you must understand

i have looked my demons in the eyes

laid bare-breasted on the floor

and told them to do their best

to destroy me

and i’ve been to hell

and back

so many times

i must admit

this simple life

sometimes seems boring

there are a lot of things

that can kill a person

there are a lot of ways to die

but yet these heavily burdened ghosts

still walk beside me

and there are a lot of things

i don’t understand

how so much hatred

can fill the heart of a man

but it’s this pain i hide

that fuels the love

inside me

will i always feel this way –

not good enough to save anyone

and time keeps changing

but everything continues

to remain the same

A few friends have asked me what song describes me best, and this is the first song that always comes to mind. I feel like John Mayer saw right through me and wrote the words inked upon my soul.
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21 Responses to Throwback Thursday #11

  1. Brad Osborne says:

    Anybody who thinks you are not good enough is wrong, including yourself!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My heart aches with understanding.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. utahan15 says:

    people come and go
    just so
    you never know or can tell
    die and dis ya
    sad but true
    me to you
    rock on hale maryland!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. kenhume31 says:

    Potent stuff Kristian! Wonderfully evocative & descriptive as always and bittersweet too! 👍😁👏👌

    Liked by 1 person

  5. kenhume31 says:

    Love these lines in particular:
    “on all these crimson sunsets

    in these foggy

    cut-throat mornings

    i have grown weary”

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Jeff says:

    That certainly took a turn I wasn’t expecting. You have such a way of drawing out emotions in your writing. I felt so many emotions, reading this. You have probably figured out that I, too, most definitely believe in love. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • kristianw84 says:

      Thank you so much. I’m a deeply feeling person and writing is my therapy. I’m glad you can feel my expressions. That is the highest compliment a writer can hear, and I am grateful! I know you believe in love and God, and I’m glad you have both to lean on my, my friend! 😊

      Liked by 1 person

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