Ya know what really burns my biscuits?
Double Standards – Part 2.
I have a very dear friend who never hesitates to point out something contradictory, when he has a different perspective, or when he thinks I might be overthinking things.
So, to show that I can see both sides of an issue. I will talk about the stigma men face that women do not.
Recently, I have seen a lot of posts encouraging men to talk about their emotions and mental health. Here are some of the posts I have seen floating around:
Please do not get me wrong. I agree with all of the above, and I oft share these types of messages too. However, it makes me sad that we have to.
Why would we expect men to shove their feelings down and not talk about them? Why do we expect men not to cry? They are human. Those emotions and reactions are normal. It is not healthy to suppress them. We don’t expect women to suppress their feelings (I use “we,” meaning society). Why would we expect different from men?
Personally, I find it attractive when men are not afraid to show emotion. I think it shows courage to show some sensitivity. By the way, men can absolutely be masculine and sensitive at the same time. I have always wondered why so many people believe we have to pick one side or the other. I am living proof that people can be many things. There are many layers to me, and I know men who are just the same.
I have also seen a lot of messages explaining that it’s okay for women to be a shoulder for their men to cry on.
Why is this a thing? Not that I would ever seek the advice of random internet strangers when it comes to loving my man. The best way to know what my man needs is to listen to him, but I digress. I would never allow anyone to make me feel bad about treating my guy like a King. If he’s good to me and shows me the love I deserve, of course, I will make him feel loved and appreciated. Why do we have to make women feel that it’s okay to love our guys? More importantly, why do some feel the need to put them down for it? I enjoy baking. If I bake for my man, it’s not because he’s expecting an apple pie on the table when he gets home. It’s because I want to. For the record, the minute he starts expecting apple pies on the table is the minute I’ll stop baking them.
This goes back to my rant about “Live and let live.” Why are we so concerned with the lives of others? How did we get this far by teaching men to be some kind of “macho” robot?
It starts with us. Let’s teach our boys to respect women and not objectify them, let’s teach them that it is not weak to cry or show emotion, and let’s teach girls that it is okay to be the strong one sometimes, but it is also okay to cry on a man (or anyone’s) shoulder. We are all humans just trying to get by.
Most of all, let’s teach all people just to be kind. Really, that’s where it begins. Don’t bully others simply because they are different. End of story. End of rant.
Love & life lessons,
Kristian
Life Lessons From Around the Dinner Table 
I am not sure that double standards are completely avoidable, but I do like you take on the subject. It would require a lot of conversation to unpack all the things here.
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They are not completely avoidable. There’s always going to be some exceptions. I think we need to stop putting unnecessary pressure on our boys and girls/men and women that we need to act a certain way. All we need to do is be ourselves. I think so many people get caught up in who society thinks they should be that they forget who they actually are. I only scratched the surface, I know, but I wanted to show that men are just as conditioned to behave a certain way as women are conditioned to.
By the way, we will have these long talks eventually, but at this rate, we’re going to need a hundred lunch/coffee/crab cake dates to get through them all! 😁
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Ewww, narcs immediately comes to mind 😡😡🙄
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I wrote a post last week about how women are always expected to smile, and how we have been conditioned to apologize for taking up space. Likewise, I think a lot of men have been conditioned to believe they have to suppress their feelings because they always have to be the strong one. It’s exhausting. Men need to know it’s okay to not be okay.
Don’t get me wrong, that does not give them an excuse to be a dick, but when we understand the why’s behind their actions, we can start to make progress towards reaching their hearts.
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I absolutely agree. Understanding has so much power ❤️ Thank you for advocating it!
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Thanks for reading, and blessing us with your beautiful light! 💖💖
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Thanks love 💗
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Great post Kristian! 👏👏👍👍 Thanks for writing it with such empathy and understanding. Excellent observations about our unrealistic expectations of both men and women. There’s an awful lot of pressure on both sexes to act; think and look a certain way!
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Thank you, Ken! That was the point I was trying to make. Both men and women have so much pressure to act, think, and look a certain way that it’s easy to lose track of who we are. We should be encouraging each other to be our best selves instead of putting each other down for not meeting unrealistic standards! You get me! 😊
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We waste so much of our lives trying to imitate other people and behaviours that we end up exhausted trying to keep up! Better off being ourselves. And encouraging others to do the same.
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Hear, hear!
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I think that there’s an evolutionary aspect of being male beyond reproduction. Some of that has morphed into toxic masculinity. But, there’s also expectation to behave a certain way. Sometimes, Roger Waters lyric rings true:
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over, thought I’d something more to say
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I agree that there are some evolutionary aspects at play. We are all unique, and those differences are bound to tip the scales one way or another. However, men need to know they can show emotion and not be seen as weak. I want the men in my life to know they are safe with me. I will never judge them for crying, or see them as less of a man. It’s ridiculous that society has conditioned so many to believe that they will be seen as less than the gender they are for showing human emotion. I am sure there will be types of men who believe that regardless of societal standards, but I don’t believe they’re the majority.
Time is my favorite Pink Floyd song by the way!
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man o war
what is we figtin for
xmos is not yet
advent
come what may
tomorrow and to day
yeah
the false fact is thus
the peach
is prized in k s pseudo
home town of hale md~
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My hometown is actually Oakland, MD, but that doesn’t flow as nicely in a poem. Thank you!
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no hale was in runaway bride. and oakland mi is for real too. btw so you at sharons, thanks for the coffee refills!
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There is an Oakland in every state! Just a random fact for ya. Haha, you’re welcome! 😉☕
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prefer paradise. para docs.. the eternal situation. ha ha ha
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btw part duex the double standard must be maintained. i m in control of my emotions and never ever need to ask directions.
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Typical man! Haha. Just kidding.
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you betcha. cos i was not taught how to integrate emotions. grew up with mom and four older sisters. oh oh.
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I am a big believer in “the only way out is through.” I believe it’s important to feel our feelings and try not to go numb to avoid feeling them, but I also understand everyone deals with their emotions in their own way. Whatever helps, my friend!
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i janov. i scream. i release. and i do without. that s life.
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you are a kind human being Kristian.
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Thank you, my friend. I try. ☺
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try is an attorney . my patients. me an md? no just so. the fun is the time and the idea s being positive make it time well spent.
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and you can pop in on sharon too.
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sharon s cafe holaday ut. a right proper dive.
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I love cafés! I’d enjoy a visit!
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straight west. third left at holaday bank and trust.
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That is still the cutest burnt biscuit I’ve ever seen ☺️☺️☺️🥰🥰🥰
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Haha! Thanks! It does look like it has a face. 😊🥰😚
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Hahaha! I thought that’s why you chose it to begin with.
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Not initially. I just wanted a burnt biscuit that didn’t look cartoonish. 🤣 I think I finally found it on Pexels (one of the free sites, anyway). It wasn’t until I posted my first one that I realized it looked like a burnt biscuit person! Hahaha!
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Haha
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First off, a mentor once said to me that “sometimes it’s easier to ask forgiveness than to ask permission”, and so I am asking forgiveness because I used the phrase “You know what burns my biscuit?” when chatting with my friend last week and she chuckled and said, “I like that saying”. I told her it wasn’t mine to give away, that I had borrowed it without permission, and so please forgive me if I should not have borrowed it, much less shared it.
You are so on-point about this idea that men should not show emotion of any kind, at least of any negative kind. Yes, there is this stigma that showing emotion will make them seem less strong, and they always have to be strong. But people, men or women, can be strong and still have vulnerability. I doubt that, when we women show or emotions or tears, men think of us as suddenly weaker than they had thought we were. Because we women, as sisters, feel closer to a sister who is able to share her troubles with us and allow us to help carry the weight, we want men to share those troubles with us to allow us to feel closer to them.
No, we don’t think that occasional tears over something make anyone a wimp. Tears are simply a release of the emotion from our hearts, nothing more.
I feel like I could write about this forever, but you’ve done an amazing job of expressing what needs to be said. Thank you for your voice!
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The Vice President at my last job always told me it is better to ask for forgiveness rather than permission. You are a cook, so I can see why the phrase “You know what burns my biscuits,” spoke to you. You are free to use it, my friend, and I am honored! My best friend has a list of what she calls “Kristianisms,” and it brings me so much joy that others want to use phrases I have coined!
Thank you for your added thoughts! I agree with you wholeheartedly! I am glad you appreciate my voice because I have no intentions of closing my mouth anytime soon. Haha!
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Once again, I find myself in agreement with you. I lost my “man card” decades ago. I don’t like guns (which immediately brands me as a “liberal” and “wimp” in some circles, smh), I love to cook, and I’m not much of a handyman around the house. In fact, my wife is more of a “handyman” than I am. She has painted the entire inside of our house at least twice, and supervised having our kitchen countertops replaced a couple years ago. I’m sure some of our more “conservative” (I really hate labels) friends don’t understand our marriage at all. We eschew the traditional gender roles and simply work together to accomplish what needs to be done. It also doesn’t take much to make me weep. I frequently have to get a tissue when reading your poetry, for example. LOL!
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Thank you! I am also not a fan of labels.
The only people that need to understand your marriage are you and your wife! I think it’s great that she takes on some of those “masculine” roles.
I have very vast taste. I love to get all dolled up, put on a dress and high heels and flaunt my womanly ways, but I also love to throw on my old sweatshirt and jeans, hook my own bait, and go fishing! I also enjoy woodworking, I can change a tire, check my oil, and I understand sports. People often don’t understand me because I don’t fit into their ideas of how a woman should think or act, but at the end of day, I am human just like everyone else.
I am glad you’re not afraid to stay in touch with your sensitive side. The world needs more people like you!
Thank you for the compliment on my poetry. It means the world to me that I can move you with my words! 🤗
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I would definitely say that the world needs more people like you, as well.
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Aww. So very kind of you to say. Thank you, my friend!
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