Journey to the Center of Health

Long-time readers of the blog know that I have been on a health and fitness journey for a little over a year now. I have fallen off the wagon a few times, but I have learned to be easy and more forgiving of myself. The old Kristian would have berated me and slipped back into old habits. The new Kristian pays attention to patterns and allows herself to indulge once in a while. Life is all about balance.

I have had a few people ask me for suggestions on how to make healthy food less boring and how to remain consistent with workouts.

First, let me clarify that everyone is different. What works for me might not work for you, but I’m happy to share some tips and tricks along the way, and if it helps you, great! If it doesn’t, however, do not get discouraged, you can get there, but you have to find what works best for you.

Secondly, and probably most importantly, I have found that changing my mindset was key.

I hate my house. My house is ancient, and when it was remodeled (years before I bought it,) the work was not completed correctly, nor was it up to code. As a result, it has caused numerous problems that I have had to fix, draining my bank account. It’s unfortunate because while I am in school, I’m not generating a high income, and rebuilding my savings account is steadily difficult. I am literally a broke college student at the age of 37 who just wants the opportunity to visit her friends who live far away on the weekend, and I can’t, and it makes me feel like a failure.

I digress. I have learned that due to my hatred of my temporary house, I lack the motivation to keep it organized and clean. Don’t get me wrong, my house isn’t filthy, but it might get a little cluttered at times when stress gets the better of me, or when I’d rather read a book on a rainy Saturday instead of dusting.

Likewise, I hated my body for years. I compared myself to the models on the cover of Victoria’s Secret catalogs, wishing I could look like that, and I lacked the motivation to take care of my body. However, unlike my house, I didn’t take care of it, at least not the way I should have.

After my mother died, I slipped into a deep depression. My mom and I had a strange relationship. We were close in many ways, but she often made me feel bad about myself. She would frequently point out my mistakes, bring up the fact that I didn’t look like Victoria’s Secret models, and save for writing and baking, she didn’t understand my passions. I was lost and broken, and I’d come home from work and go straight to the fridge. I would snack while I cooked dinner, and then I’d sit down on the couch until time to go to bed, and I had a sedentary job. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out this combination of bad habits was not good for my health.

And then, one day, I realized it was all bullshit. All of it! The way I had treated my body, my relationship with food, comparing myself to other women, and my mother’s judgmental opinions of me. I had to make peace with the fact that I will never look like the size two Victoria’s Secret models, and that’s okay! I do not need to be a size two to be or feel sexy. Once I embraced my curves, I learned to love my body, and by loving my body, I actually want to take care of it. And it might be a little vain of me, but I want to look amazing in my new pinup style bathing suit, especially when paired with my new stilettos for pinup photos!

Torrid.com model

I ordered this swimsuit in my goal size, and although I’m not quite there yet, I know I will be!

I knew I needed to change my relationship with food. I am a foodie. I love food, and I enjoy trying new cuisines, cooking, and discovering new restaurants. I needed to find a way to have my cake and eat it too, only without so many calories and carbohydrates.

My love of cooking benefits me because I am able to take the foods I love and find ways to make them healthy(ish). I have a friend who hates to cook, and she is constantly talking about how hard it is for her to stick to a healthy diet because of her hatred of it. My only suggestions were for her to try one of those meal subscription boxes, like Hello Fresh. They are a bit pricey, but so is fresh produce at the grocery store, and depending on the subscription you choose, the price isn’t much more than what you would pay at the grocery store. Of course, cooking is still involved, however, all the prep work is done for you.

Meal planning is a lifesaver! It keeps me on track, and I can meal prep in advance if I choose to. It also helps me with sticking to a grocery list.

As much as I love spontaneity, I need a routine to keep me consistent. I wake up early so that I can workout before work and school, I am obsessed with walking 20,000 steps a day, and I no longer reach for a snack when I require comfort. Yoga has been my best friend. I sweat the most with yoga, I see and feel the most prominent results from yoga, and it makes me feel alive. Stretching first thing in the morning feels soooooooooo good. I walk every evening, and my reward is often a beautiful sunset.

I’m not perfect. I am doing the best I can with the resources I have. I am a work in progress, but I am getting there in my health and fitness journey, building my finances, and working towards a better future, one where I can go visit a friend for the weekend anytime I want. I appreciate your patience and support as I work towards a better me.

I suppose it’s true what they say, “Good things take time.”

How do you stay fit and healthy? How do you show yourself love?

Love and life lessons,

Kristian