Life Lessons, A Change in Direction, and 2020

I think we can all agree that this year has been less than ideal, but I have to say this year has taught me a few lessons.

I have learned that things I used to excuse are no longer excusable. I have learned that some people are truly evil, and that’s a hard thing for me to admit because it means that my belief that all people have some good in them is not true. However, I have also learned that maybe I am as strong of a woman as everyone claims I am because I refuse to allow the darkness in the world to douse my light.

I have also learned that there is more darkness in me than I care to admit, but I have also learned to embrace it. Just because there is darkness within me doesn’t mean I have to allow it to consume me, but I have embraced many tragedies in my thirty-five years on earth. One is bound to have some darkness after experiencing so much heartache, and that is perfectly okay.

I have also learned that I have played victim to life’s unfairness for far too long. At some point I have to realize that while not everything is my fault nor am I able to always control what happens in life, I absolutely am in control of my body, emotions, and career.

I have allowed myself to slip into a depression and not take care of myself the way that I should after my mother died. While this is understandable, I cannot keep blaming life for the poor choices I have made.

One day it was as if the lightbulb just went off and I looked in the mirror and said “It doesn’t have to be this way.”

I have a tendency to beat myself up and expect unrealistic outcomes for and from myself, which is ridiculous because I would never put that kind of pressure on anyone else.

So I have forgiven myself for allowing myself to wallow in grief and turn to certain comforts that aren’t actually comforts at all. I have been preparing healthier, whole foods and working out 6 days a week. For the first time in forever, I am putting myself first, and for the first time in forever, I believe I deserve it.

In addition to taking better care of my body, I have decided to go back to school and finish my degree. If everything goes according to plan I will graduate in about 18 months. I have already enrolled in classes, and my start date is January 13th. My goal is to become a technical writer. I’ve been doing some research and the job is in high demand, pays well, and will allow me the freedom to travel as I can work remotely.

I am both excited and nervous for this new journey but I feel in my heart that it’s the best thing for my future.

I encourage each and every single one of you to step out of your comfort zones. To try something new, to never stop learning, and growing, and most importantly, to give yourself the freedom to put yourself first for a change. It’s not selfish, it’s necessary.

I am excited for all of you to join me on this journey as I work on becoming a better me. I consider all of you a part of my support system, and for that, I’m the luckiest gal in the world!

Love & life lessons,

Kristian ❤