The Nothing Fight, Part 1

I hate grocery shopping!

Let me rephrase that. I don’t mind grocery shopping, I actually kind of enjoy it when I can take my time, there’s lots of fresh produce to browse through, the aisles are almost void of people, and I don’t have to fight through crowds to get the last box of Kind brand granola bars, which, no surprise, isn’t caramel or peanut butter!

I live in an area that is a tourist trap three seasons out of the year, so as you can imagine, I never get the grocery store to myself. I find grocery shopping stressful because of the people. So many people are so rude and I feel like I have to fight people just to get a ripe banana and I loathe it!

In order to make my grocery shopping a more pleasurable experience, I practice the art of listening to “the nothing fight.”

If you haven’t heard Dane Cook’s stand-up about this, I highly recommend you do before you finish reading this blog post. You will appreciate the humor so much more!

It doesn’t happen every time, but whenever I am in a public place I like to listen for “the nothing fight,” and while I was at Wal-Mart a few months ago, I heard it!

I was perusing through the housing section, half looking at knives because we need new ones, and half looking at stuff I don’t need and dreaming about how it will look in the new house that is nowhere near being built yet.

I heard a woman say, “No, I like these.”

And the man replied, “They’re so tacky.”

I moved over to the next aisle where they were and pretended to look for glassware, which is the last thing we need because we received 5 different sets as wedding presents.

The man picks up a set of glasses that have no designs on them, they are just clear glasses and he says:

“Whatever happened to just plain old glasses, huh? What’s so bad about plain Jane glasses?”

The woman replies, “They’re so boring.”

The couple goes back and forth, he’s defending the plain glasses and talking about how people fill their cabinets with glasses of cartoon characters and flowers as if they are committing some kind of great sin.

The woman retaliates with how cartoon characters and flowers are fun and how people that own them are the kind of people she wants to hang out with.

I didn’t realize you could tell so much about a person by the kind of glasses they have in their cabinet.

She wanted to buy the ones that said “Mr. and Mrs.” but the man just kept calling them tacky and after the woman finally gets fed up, she yells:

“You’re tacky!” As she places the “Mr. & Mrs.” glasses in the cart.

He mumbles something under his breath as he follows her and I have to turn my head into my shoulder and pretend to cough to cover my laugh.

I have to agree with Dane Cook. “Nothing fights” are so entertaining!

If you have a similar story I would love to hear about it, and if you’ve never kept an ear out for “the nothing fight,” I suggest you start! You will not be disappointed.

Love & life lessons,

Kristian