It’s funny sometimes how we can pick up on vibes when something is telling us, something is just not quite right. When I woke up this morning, I had no idea the devastation that was going to hit me.
It’s been 7 hours now and I’ve had some time to sit and think things through. I’m incredibly hurt and devastated, but I’m also extremely pissed off!!
I found out in May that my boss was resigning, I knew then that something just didn’t feel right, but good for her for bettering herself! And knowing what I do now, I’m glad she’s not there to be disrespected anymore.
About two weeks after that happened, the Vice President announced that my department was merging with the one next door. Well, that director already has a contract manager, which was what I was, so I asked what was going to happen to my position. I was told that they didn’t know but assured me that I was still going to have a job and receive a very substantial raise along with it. They also informed me that all of this would be taking place on July 1st. So then I got to thinking, maybe they decided on this merge a long time ago. Things were just moving way too quickly for all of these so-called, well-thought-out, yet, last-minute decisions.
In the past couple of weeks, I have been pulled into meetings, given tasks to share the reports that I do, how I submit those reports, and grant information with the other contract manager and the director. I was told that this was so they had a better understanding of what I do so they could better support me. Well, now I know it was so everything would be completed before they laid me off. They laid me off. I’ve been there for 6 years, yet, they kept someone who was only hired 5 months ago!!
The vice president called me down to the conference room at 4:00 this afternoon. He informed me that they had to let me go because, during the reconstruction of the two departments, there was no position for me. I was given promises that I would have a job and be getting a raise just to have that all taken away! I am so angry right now. I was blindsided. I am so incredibly hurt, and I feel foolish for ever thinking they respected me. The vice president just kept saying it wasn’t a performance issue and that he would gladly write me a letter of recommendation. I couldn’t even look him in the eye. He kept saying he wanted to be here to support me, he asked me to let him help me pack up my things and carry them to my car, but I wouldn’t let him. I was so short with him, but I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry. I put 6 years into that agency and I know I was in the process of looking for something better, but I was waiting until I could build a house, or go back to school, or move closer to family. Now I have no idea what direction I should take. I’ve been crying so much my eyes are swollen and burning. I am not in a good place mentally to make any kind of important decision right now.
I do know that I deserve better than that. I deserve to work for a company that actually appreciates the hard work, dedication, and time I give them! I deserve a company that recognizes my worth and potential, and I am going to take this time to find it.
I am going to use this time to research different jobs that I think I will excel in. I am going to see how many college credits I am away from my degree, I am going to write the hell out of my book and show every single upper management employee why they should have never let me go.
I am keeping an open mind to the lesson that this bump in the road is going to teach me, because while I am feeling completely lost and utterly devastated, and much like a failure right now, I know that’s all this is, just a bump in the road.
Love & life lessons,