Fell On Black Days

I hate the expression “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” I get what they’re saying, and at times it is possible to use your negative energy & turn it into something positive.

But friends, it is perfectly okay to not be okay. And right now, I am not okay.

I’m not going to get into the details because I’m not sure who exactly will read this post, but something traumatic happened to me on Monday. In fact it was at work, first thing Monday morning. What a great way to start my week, right?!

I can’t seem to shake it, normally I’m able to get over it after a few hours, but this didn’t just affect me. It also affected my staff, and that is not okay!!

There were words spoken to me that were unprofessional, uncalled for, and the tone behind those words was pure evil. It came from someone I haven’t always gotten along with, but that I once held high respect for. Now that respect has been broken and I’m not sure what to do about it.

I’m in a pretty dark place right now. I’m hurt, disappointed, and angry, and I have nowhere to place that anger, because the one thing I won’t do is stoop to her level.

I am also heartbroken for a friend of mine. I’m not going to go into detail here either, because I want to protect her privacy, but someone very close to her tried to hurt themselves. It’s weighing on my friend, and I just want to wrap my arms around her, bake her a cake (because baking is my way of saying “I love you,”) and watch comedies until we find ourselves crying from laughing, and that isn’t possible right now, and it’s killing me.

The gloomy, cold weather isn’t helping. As much as I try to live in the moment, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about my husband’s health and my future. And as happy as I am for my friend who is moving and bettering her life with her husband’s new career, I’m also sad that she’s going to be almost 10 hours away. I know our friendship will withstand the distance, she’s connected to me, so there’s no way she can shake me (even if she wanted to,) haha! But I’m still sad to know I won’t be able to see her every month or have a spontaneous coffee date on a Sunday morning.

I am truly happy for her, and also a little envious. I am so ready for a change, and a big one at that. But in the meantime, I’ll keep going through the motions and look for new adventures.

Thanks for allowing me to vent. You all are awesome!!

Love & life lessons,

Kristian