Is Kindness Always Genuine?


About a month ago I was chatting with a coworker. She told me that she waits to send her Christmas cards about 5 days before Christmas, this way she knows who sent her a Christmas card simply because they wanted to, and who sent her one only because she sent one first. Those cards always come after Christmas.

She then went on to explain that more often than not, the people who sent her a card early in December are the people she can count on to be there for her, and the one’s she receives after Christmas are the ones who consider her an afterthought.

This got me thinking….

Is Kindness Always Genuine?

If someone is only nice because someone was nice to them, is it still considered kindness?

And at what point does kindness stop being about what we can do for others and what we can gain from kindness?

If someone is only kind because of what they can gain from kindness, is it still considered kind?


It doesn’t matter what the act is. I have heard several people say they don’t comment on other’s blogs until they comment first. Well what if everyone had that same mentality? No one would ever talk to anyone. What if someone is shy and they are waiting on you to make the first move?

How many people miss out on amazing opportunities because they are busy waiting?

I once worked for a man who actually admitted the only reason he went on so many missions trips and went out of his way to help other’s in third world countries was because it made him look good, and he was seen as a hero. He also admitted that the only reason he donated so much to charities was because of the enormous tax deduction from his business.

So is it really kind if the only reason he helps others is to feed his ego and line his pockets? I mean those people are still getting help regardless, but would he still be as helpful if it didn’t make him look like a hero or fatten his wallet?


Personally, I suppose I believe the act is that of kindness, but the kindness itself, when acted out for personal gain, is not genuine.

I believe that a true act of genuine kindness is done with a person’s best interest at heart. It’s done because one wanted to shed some light on another person, or to make them smile, or lift their spirits. It is not done because one can hold it over the person’s head later and say “Well remember that time I helped you out?” It is not done to reciprocate kindness,


Now I know what you must be thinking, “But Kristian, you are a big supporter of paying it forward.” And you are absolutely right, I am a big supporter of paying it forward, and when an act of kindness (no matter how small) is shown to you, I absolutely believe you should pay it forward, however; if the only time you show kindness is in return to someone else’s kindness, you might want to step out of that box and make the first move for a change. That’s all I’m sayin’

AND…… it is not about what you can gain in return!

So if someone doesn’t send you a Christmas card? Who cares! Send them one anyway. If you see a blog post you really like but that person has never commented on any of your blog posts, comment anyway.

There are millions of ways you can show kindness, and it doesn’t always take money, and it can be done for people you know & complete strangers, and you don’t have to wait until an act of kindness is shown to you before you can do something kind for someone else.

Be Bold! Be Creative! And ALWAYS be Kind!

Love & life lessons,




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46 Responses to Is Kindness Always Genuine?

  1. Brad Osborne says:

    What a beautifully articulated and thought-provoking post Kristian! I will need to think long and hard on this, and even then I can’t imagine any response would be the length of what is considered reasonable for a comment. I will simply offer this to the equation, the recipient of a kindness or gift does not measure the reasons why, they simply accept the gift or kindness for what it is, and its value is never reduced by its reasoning.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. cfoster20 says:

    I feel like kindness is always genuine. Only because people do what they really want to do. Now if someone has a motive then no.

    Liked by 3 people

    • kristianw84 says:

      Yeah, that’s what I am wondering, if there is motive, I get that the act is still kind, but I agree, I don’t feel it’s genuine. I suppose the only one who could truly answer is the recipient. If the recipient knows & understands that the only reason someone is doing something kind for them is so they can hold it over their head later, would they still consider it kind? 🤷‍♀️


  3. Pingback: Is Kindness Always Genuine? — Life Lessons From Around the Dinner Table – Sarah's Attic Of Treasures

  4. Herb says:

    I wonder if there isn’t a difference between an act (Like acting. Like your former boss) of kindness and being a kind and compassionate person?

    Liked by 2 people

    • kristianw84 says:

      I think there is! Narcissistic people tend to take advantage of empathetic people because they know if they play on an empath’s emotions they will get what they want, and in doing so, often they show kindness, but I wouldn’t call that genuine kindness. But this is just my opinion. I don’t think there’s any wrong answer here.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. The Eclectic Contrarian says:

    “I have heard several people say they don’t comment on other’s blogs until they comment first. Well what if everyone had that same mentality? No one would ever talk to anyone. What if someone is shy and they are waiting on you to make the first move?”

    About that… I realize I am an overzealous commenter. And everyone is different. But after months of being the first to comment and little to no reciprocation, it definitely tells that there’s nothing there and best to move on.

    This is why I stand back with new people. They’re very much appreciated but it saves me headache and the inevitable drift.

    Liked by 1 person

    • kristianw84 says:

      To each their own, but I disagree. If I like something, it doesn’t matter if that person thinks I’m overzealous. More often than not, they are grateful for the compliment. But my thought here was more about not commenting because they don’t leave comments on “your” (general your, not specifically YOU, John) blog, and if someone comments only to receive comments on their blog and not just because they wanted to say something nice, although the act is still kind, I don’t think the kindness is genuine.


  6. Paula Light says:

    People are so petty and selfish. I can’t imagine thinking this way, yet I know so many do. I once dated a guy who counted how many times he had texted me “first” in the day in order to criticize me for not caring about him enough.

    Liked by 2 people

    • kristianw84 says:

      Yep. Typically narcissistic behavior. It can be dangerous, really. I’m with you, I genuinely enjoy making others happy. It’s why I love sending cards in the mail, or surprising my coworkers with baked goods, just a little something to say “I thought of you,” but I would never hang it over their head later, or expect something in return. I think we’re rare, Paula!! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Sadje says:

    Be generous in your kindness.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. ashleyleia says:

    Kindness without heart is just tokenism.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. The V Pub says:

    Genuine kindness is such a beautiful thing and it’s done because it’s from the heart. All of the other virtue signalling acts ring hollow to me.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. othermary says:

    I’d guess I’d say if it’s not genuine, it’s not kindness. It’s something else then.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Hilary Tan says:

    This is a great topic, Kristian! One year I sent out 50 Christmas cards and received 3 in the mail which were from my mom, grandmother and one other person. Last year, I didn’t have time to send Christmas cards, otherwise I would have. To my surprise, I received mail from a couple of friends even though I didn’t send them anything.

    I learned that some people are never going to send mail no matter how many cards you send them. I think that it’s just not a priority of theirs. That being said, if someone clearly has their own motives/agenda, I’ll remember it and stop going out of their way for them. There’s one girl I’ve sent birthday cards to every single year since meeting her in 2015. I don’t expect anything in return but a birthday wish/text would be nice. She knows when my birthday is and yet, she didn’t even bother texting me “Happy Birthday” last year which really rubbed me the wrong way. She didn’t forget – she saw my IG story. I don’t think it’s wrong of me to stop sending her birthday cards in the mail. However, I am still going to acknowledge her birthday. Some people just aren’t worth going out of your way for, even if it does end up becoming a bit of a tit-for-tat thing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • kristianw84 says:

      Thank you! Yes, this is not to say that everyone who doesn’t send a Christmas card has malicious intent, or that even if they send a card late that I believe we’re an after thought. I also understand continuously doing something for someone without so much as a “Thank You,” can become bothersome. I don’t blame you for not sending her birthday cards, especially if she can’t even acknowledge you on your birthday, even if just on Social Media. I’m sorry you experienced that. I just think it’s always a good habit to practice kindness and be nice to people as a whole. You never know what someone may be dealing with, but at the same time, we need not allow ourselves to be door mats for others and allow them to take advantage of our kindness. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  12. I was just talking about this kind of thing with a friend about mutual ex-friends of ours. Our ex-friends would never turn up to our things, or anyone else’s parties. Then would get mad when no one would show to their things. Even though we would, my friend and I were the ones with anxiety. They were not. When one of them had a surprise wedding, they got mad at the people that bailed. Then they found a new group of friends and bailed on the people who did show up, myself included. I gave up trying to organise girls weekend, because of this person. She always had to work, but with the group of new friends, she kept taking whole weeks off for them. This was the girl that ended up saying she didn’t respect my passive aggressiveness, when I wrote my new years note. About what I had been through with my anxiety that year, how I ended up in hospital, what I wanted to achieve, how I didn’t want to be left out. I let her know what’s what,lol.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. parkermccoy says:

    I think it’s definitely great to make the first move. If you want to do an act of kindness, just do it. There is nothing wrong with it and it’s a positive thing. Maybe it’s the best of things. As far as genuine, yeah, some help because they really mean it while others help because of selfish reasons. I am glad to see the impact though. Maybe some people are jerks but they sort of redeem themselves by at least giving to charity and helping others, no matter the motivation. But I would say kindness is like anything else. Sometimes genuine and sometimes not. It all depends on the situation. Great post!

    Liked by 3 people

  14. YBP says:

    BOLD. CREATIVE. KIND. These descriptives point to YOU. Sending much love, my dear beautiful friend Kristian!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  15. Halbarbera says:

    —Amelia Earhart

    Liked by 3 people

  16. W.S.Thompson says:

    Kindness is a word everyone knows but not enough people stop to live. I, too, needed to be reminded why kindness is essential to stop the hardness of hearts that mankind deal with on the daily. We are all alive because of the kindness of others that aided us in our process of becoming. Thank you for sharing your post! It serves as a great, necessary reminder.

    Liked by 2 people

  17. Rising Star says:

    Hi Kristian, I have nominated you for the blogger recognition award. I hope you will happily accept my invitation. Your acceptance will be an honor to me. Thank you so kindly. The link for the ward is:

    Liked by 2 people

  18. I love this a lot ❤️❤️❤️ It’s very inspiring and nice ☘️. It is a great honor to be in your blog 🙇
You deserve my follow right away!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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