Hello Darlin’….. It’s Been A Long Time

As I sat down to work on my novel tonight, the realization struck me that it has been a long time since I have written anything. Oh, how I’ve missed this! I felt so bad for neglecting it. Really! I feel like I’ve neglected my child!

long time


Anyway, another realization hit me, and I guess the reason I haven’t been writing is because I have been battling with depression. Sometimes the holidays really get me down, and instead of allowing myself to feel the pain, I pushed it aside in order to keep my promise to my mother. So I put a smile on my face and laughed my way through the holidays, just so I could enjoy them! Man, am I ever good at that, I even had myself convinced!

convince

But I have had two days of healing. The 26th, which was the 4th anniversary of my mother’s death. I fell to my knees sobbing over how much I miss that woman, and how I still feel that life is unfair and I was robbed, but then I remembered something. How blessed I was to have the years I did have with her, and how lucky I am to have so many good memories and traditions with her that I can continue.

But that led to another realization while writing a poem. I started off about how I was a child, attached to my mother’s apron strings, pulling, asking for one more cookie, and  while allowing the writing to consume me, I realized I was writing about how I will never have that feeling that my mother felt, when I look down at my little girl or boy a, his or her two hands grasping my apron strings, begging for just one more cookie.

My heart sank.

heart-break55

I reached out to a few good friends, telling them I could just use their prayers and good energy

After that I put up a wall to protect myself from those thoughts, because if I allow myself to dwell on those thoughts, I often slip into somewhere dark,

I heard the news today of a man who committed suicide on Christmas day. All I could think about was the family of that man who walked in and found their son , father, or brother lying on the floor. Oh gosh, my heart aches so much for them!

I realized, I had an amazing Christmas in comparison, and how awful I feel that it took such a tragedy for me to realize it.

But I have come out of this bout with my head up. I’m sure it will happen again, but I’m grateful for the lessons I’ve learned from them!!

I hope all of you are having a wonderful holiday season and I can’t wait to catch up on all of your writing!

Love & life lessons,

Kristian

 

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11 Responses to Hello Darlin’….. It’s Been A Long Time

  1. parkermccoy says:

    I’m glad you came out of your gloom. This season depresses many but most come out of it and I’m happy to see you do the same. Just remember how lucky you are to have great people in your life and you’ll be fine and never ever hesitate to reach out to people. Most are happy to help! Great post!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Sadje says:

    Be strong and look outwards. I hope you’ll find your inner strength. I lost my mom when I was almost six. I don’t have any memories of her. You’re luck to have good memories of your mom! 🌹🌷💐

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Brad Osborne says:

    I am glad you have found a glimmer of light on the horizon. Thanks for sharing your story so others may recognize the effect of seasonal depression and develop a support system to help them through.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. sundaymorningwithsandy.com says:

    The holidays are tough, especially when you have suffered such an important loss around them. I am glad you are feeling better. xo

    Liked by 1 person

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