Marriage Is Hard?

walk-in-the-park

Yesterday I read an article about a woman who was overcome with jealousy after talking with a friend who was about to go on a first date. The friend spoke of how she was nervous, she wondered if he would like what she wore, what kind of conversations they would have over dinner, etc…

The woman remembered having those same feelings with her husband when they were dating, and after coming home to a messy house, toys everywhere and needing to fix dinner for her family, her jealousy coursed through her. But then as she was cleaning up the kitchen she felt her husbands arms wrap around her. He told her he was going to get some snacks and they could watch a movie. She took a shower and when she came out she realized her husband knew all of her favorite snacks and she realized how lucky she was to have the life she does. I was with her the entire time until I read this line.:

“Those feelings do go away.”

This got me thinking about a lot of advice I was given. You know, the kind of advice we don’t ask for but are given anyway?

  • “Go on as many dates as you can, it’s not as fun once you’re married.”

  • “Marriage isn’t easy, it takes work!”

  • “Relationships aren’t easy, it’s a lot of give and take and compromise, and sacrifice.”

  • “Blah, Blah, Blah Blah.”

Now I’ve only just been married 8 years, and I’m not proclaiming to be any kind of expert. I also am a bit of an odd ball, so maybe this is just me, but here are my own personal thoughts and feelings on this subject.

Marriage is the easiest thing I’ve ever experienced.

I agree with the woman from the article when she mentions that she is married to her best friend that knows her so well he can go buy all of her favorite snacks.

Neil knows me better than I know myself. He could and has come home with my favorite things. He makes me my favorite meals, he will put on shows he doesn’t care for because he knows how much I enjoy them, but I find him laughing and maybe slightly enjoying them too. Or, maybe he’s like me, and he enjoys watching me enjoy them.

Yes, sometimes marriage does take compromise, and it is a commitment, but it’s an easy one. Loving Neil is as easy as breathing. Being married to Neil is just as easy, it’s like getting to have a sleepover everyday with my best friend.

The woman in the article also mentions how intimate moments between the two of them don’t happen as much as they used to because they get interrupted by children. Neil and I will never be blessed with children, (Please no, “Oh it can happen” comments. It can’t. We aren’t able to have children of our own, and the state won’t allow us to adopt because of Neil’s preexisting health conditions) so I can’t really speak to this, but I will say I have known many couples, my parents included, who made time. They sent the kids to bed early, they set boundaries and the kids knew, this is mom and dad’s time. I know plenty of couples with children who are just as intimate as they were when they were dating, and I don’t just mean sexually, although; that is a part of it.

And as for the butterflies and feelings I had when Neil and I were dating? They never went away. I still get nervous sometimes, and I get genuinely excited when I know I’m going to see him dressed up or whenever we do something out of the ordinary.

Like all couples, we have our share of ups and downs, we have arguments (very rarely, but we do have them,) And there have been times when we have had to put plans on hold or start from scratch, but that’s just life. Having a loving partner by your side makes the hard times more bearable.

I disagree that marriage is hard. I disagree that dates we had before we got married were more fun. I disagree that marriage is 50/50 or even 100/100.

When you fall in love with someone, you want to give them everything. You want to help them because you don’t like to see them struggle, and compromises do happen, but you don’t really think of them as compromises, because you genuinely enjoy making your partner happy. Marriage is about being a team. Sometimes I come home completely exhausted and mentally drained, so my husband picks up that slack. He can’t help me as much as he likes because of his disability, but he does what he can, and vice versa.

Marriage is working together, loving each other, making the most out of life, together! Marriage is love and commitment, but it’s easy. Just like friendships are easy. Once you have that connection, sure you have to put forth some effort to make time to spend together once in a while, but it’s not difficult, right? So why should your marriage be difficult? Why should your relationship be difficult? I think that’s the key though, marrying your friend.

So here’s to love and friendship! To long lasting excitement and butterflies in the stomach! To a marriage that’s as easy as breathing! I hope all of  you who haven’t already, find your “Neil.” ❤

nk

Love & life lessons,

Kristian

This entry was posted in Love, Personal, This Is Me and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

37 Responses to Marriage Is Hard?

  1. I agree! Marriage (this time!) is a lot more fun than dating. If you marry the right person it always will be. It never hurts to have those moments of ‘envy’ though because it’s easy to become complacent. If you’re jealous of someone else having fun, take it as a reminder to make your own. Staleness and complacency are the death of any relationship. As such, those little ‘reminders’ can be seen as a call to action 😊
    Sometimes I get jealous of other women who’s husbands but them flowers frequently. Then I remember my ex who bought me flowers (for show) all the time and beat me senseless. I remember that my husband gets up earlier every day in the winter to make sure my car is scraped clean of snow and that he shovels a path and the stairs for me so that I’m safe walking and you know what? That beats flowers hands down 😊

    Liked by 2 people

    • kristianw84 says:

      Absolutely! We are human, so we all get jealous now and then, and we all have those wake-up-call moments. It’s easy to get into routines and take things for granted sometimes, but like you said, when you’re with the right person, it’s fun!!

      Yes! Those “little” things that no one else sees, like your husband cleaning off your car do beat flowers, or anything that you can show off!! Not all men are romantic. My husband isn’t always great with words, he can’t write me poetry, but his love letter to me is making me a 4 course meal! And that thought, effort, and love he puts into cooking for me means the world!! We are blessed with good husbands!! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. sundaymorningwithsandy.com says:

    I am so happy for you that it is so easy! You are a very lucky lady. Mine is not difficult either, but the other one was … 😫😂.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. The Eclectic Contrarian says:

    There’s either love or there isn’t. The reason love often fades and “marriage becomes hard” is that there’s a lack of love somewhere in the relationship.

    There’s a saying, “love makes a way.”

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Paula Light says:

    Congrats on your happiness! Marriage didn’t work for me, but I still love to read about romance 😍❤️✨

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Loved reading this so much Kristian ❤
    It was such a joy to read about you two!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. YBP says:

    Wow love this! Neil definitely hit jackpot! He won your lovely heart! ❤️💕❤️💕❤️💕❤️💕

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Michelle Giles says:

    That is a beautiful love story. You two are living the definition of love. “Love never fails” , 1 Corinthians 13:8.

    Liked by 1 person

      • KT Rayma says:

        Although my experience is quite different you make some great points. My marriage has been hard. We thought we were best friends but after a couple years, not so much.
        Getting married for first time at 54 may not be best plan . I bring lots of baggage that she has to learn to work with. She’s a trooper, but this seasons a real doozy.
        I need supernatural assistance to be the man she needs me to be. 🙏

        Liked by 1 person

      • kristianw84 says:

        This is just my opinion. I do understand that some marriages fail, some marriages do take “work.” I understand that people change and nobody is perfect, sometimes it does involve “work.” But I hear of SO many people complain, they can’t wait to get away from their spouse, they look at marriage more as a chore or a burden, and to me, that’s just not the case, I don’t feel it needs to be the case. I love going home to my husband, I enjoy being with him and going through the hard times with him by my side. I don’t even have to think about it sometimes, it just comes so naturally. We make a really good team. If the love is there the baggage doesn’t matter. I realize I’m only 35 and as I mentioned, I don’t proclaim to be an expert, but my husband has chronic kidney failure, CMT, and a plethora of other illnesses. His 37 year old body is enduring that of a 70-year-old body, and realistically, I don’t know how long I’ll have my husband, which is why it’s so important that I make the most of whatever time we have together, but I’ve never seen Neil as a burden, or a man with a disability. He has always just been the man that makes me laugh, and the man I fell in love with. As I mentioned, no one is perfect. Congratulations on your marriage! I’m sure you are already the man she needs, otherwise; she wouldn’t have married you. But I wish you both the best of luck and a lifetime of happiness and love!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • KT Rayma says:

        Thank you!
        Keep writing. I will be reflecting on your thoughts as I write about my marriage experiences.
        Bless you.

        Liked by 1 person

      • kristianw84 says:

        Thank you!! ❤ I can't wait to read more about you and your marriage!!

        Like

  8. I agree with you Kristian! I love being married, and being with someone who knows me so well that there is never any awkwardness in deep conversations or having to talk about the hard things. I still get the tingles when he gives me that look, or reaches out for my hand at bedtime, or comes up and wraps his arms around me when I’m at the sink. So glad not to have to deal with all the drama and uncertainty of dating. Marriage is the best blessing, and over 10 years blessed!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. heatherjo says:

    This is so beautiful it nearly brought me to tears. Marriage gets such a bad rap. Movies, music, magazines, books, etc. make marriage seem like a prison sentence. But I feel just like you. I’ve been married to my best friend for nearly 14 years and it’s so much fun. We rarely argue and sometimes we don’t see eye to eye but it’s so easy to get distracted by flaws that you forget the good things. The things you fell in love with. When you show patience, compassion, love and are eager to forgive (Colossians 3:12-14) there can be unimaginable joy and happiness within a marriage. I’m so happy for you and I hope more people can experience this feeling.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Pingback: My Post Picks For December 2019 – Something to Stu Over

  11. parkermccoy says:

    I haven’t been married myself, but I think it’s just different. There are good and bad things but heck, I know about being single and with it, there are good and bad things. Having that connection with somebody is a great thing and maybe the best thing. Besides, what’s life without a little risk? You take a chance on the person but they’re taking one on you, too. So, take it easy and enjoy the ride. Thanks so much for sharing! It sounds like you have one very cool husband!

    Liked by 1 person

    • kristianw84 says:

      Yes, and I do understand some marriages fail, but I think people rush into it. I feel like if you marry your friend it doesnt need to be so complicated. Life is complicated enough, and there are good and bad things. I have a fear & feeling I’m going to be widowed early due to my husband’s health complications, but I feel it’s important to make the most of our time, & whenever his time comes around I’ll be devastated, but grateful for our time & love. Life is too short to be unhappy & angry all of the time. He is very cool! Thank you for reading! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s