Hello friends,
I come to you with a heavy heart today. A couple of weeks ago a friend and colleague of mine lost his mother. He came to me and asked me if it ever gets any easier and I couldn’t help it, I started sobbing. We talked for a while, I gave him all the hugs and support possible, and I was brutally honest with him. It does get easier, but it takes time. Then pain, however; never truly goes away, but it does become bearable. I won’t lie, it was hard attending the viewing. I didn’t know his mother, but it was hard to see my friend so heartbroken, and also, death makes me relive my loss, but that day was not about me, it was about my friend. So, I closed down the office & we all went to show our love and support for our fellow colleague, because we are a work family, and that’s what families do, they come together in times of need.
Today I heard the unfortunate news that my friend’s husband committed suicide last night. I’m at a loss for words, I have no way of knowing how to support her other than just being here for her, offering my condolences, a hot meal, watching her child, letting her vent, or cry, or scream, but somehow, it just doesn’t seem like enough.
I feel so completely helpless, and I’m not trying to turn this around to make it about me because it’s absolutely not about me, not at all, but that doesn’t make it any easier.
If you could keep my friends in your thoughts and prayers, I’d greatly appreciate it.
Love & life lessons,
Kristian
Life Lessons From Around the Dinner Table 
Oh, my. My goodness. This is so awful! I can only offer virtual hugs. So many prayers for your friend and her family. You are such a wonderful friend and co-worker. I know she will appreciate you after she goes through these stages of grief and loss. Thank you for being so caring!!
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Thank you for that. It’s going to be a rough road ahead for her for a while. I deeply appreciate the prayers, & I know she does too.
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Kristian, I am sorry for both of your friends losses. The only thing you can do IS be there. Trust me I know first hand to walk the journey of grief with someone.
Yeah, be that friend who will watch the kids so she can go into her room and not have to be strong for the kids for a while. Let her come over, scream, cry or just sit there in silence. The grief will always be there so pray for her heart to take one day at a time.
Be there for her when she feels she is ready to “get rid of” memories so when she calls you crying you will understand why. Because even a certain scent will being tears.
Be there.
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I can’t imagine losing a spouse, but I lost my mom 3 years ago, & that pain is still very real. I hate that she has to go through it, but yes, she knows I’m here whenever she needs me. I’m giving her time to be with family, but after the funeral & things go back to “normal” that’s when it’s really going to hit. I’m already planning on some meals I can take her. Her daughter has to have heart surgery, so on top of everything she’ll be worrying about her daughter. I’m just so devastated. I wish I could take some of this pain from her. 😭
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Oh geez. She is added to my prayers list. That is so much at one time
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Yes it is, & there’s a little more to the story that I won’t delve into because it’s personal for her, but I’m sure it’s leaving her feeling guilty. I know she’s also angry (understandably so) that he left them this way. How is she going to tell her 7-year-old that her daddy took his own life? I can’t even imagine!! Ugh, I hate this for her!! Thank you for the prayers!
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Oh boy! Children that young do not need to know that aspect of their parents death. At least not in my eyes. Maybe when she gets old enough to truly understand suicide. Man….
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I don’t know what she’s going to do. The thing is we live in a small town, people talk, & word gets around. She’ll probably hear it from kids at school if she doesn’t tell her. It’s probably better she hears it from her mom.
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That’s true!!
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I am so very sorry and heartbroken for your friend and you! Prayers are all I have to give but know I have you and your dear friend in them…
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Thank you, Kevin! That means a lot!!
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Sometimes there just aren’t any words.. actions go a long way. And it does take time. In the meantime, actions…
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I know. I just feel so bad. It hurts so much, and I hate that they have to know that kind of pain. 😦
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I completely understand, Kristian.
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Thank you, John. Your friendship and support means the world to me!
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It’s what I’m here for! 🙂
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How sad and heartbreaking.
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Devastating. 😔
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It must be.
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Sending all my compassionate and good thoughts your way. X
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Thank you so much!
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So desperately sad Kristian. I am so sorry for all those effected.
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Yes, it’s devastating. Thank you!
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Kristian I pray that you have strength because this sounds like she needs you to be strong. I pray for her and their family. John said that there really are no words and I believe that to be true and Stu is right that you just need to be there. Pray often and be there. God will show you what she needs. I pray for you all. Sorry for what you all are going through. *HUGS*
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Thank you. It’s often in times like this that I realize I’m stronger than i thought. She knows I’m here, and I’ll always be here. Thank you for your prayers. They are very much appreciated. *Hugs*
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I’m experiencing this shock and loss right now. I’m so sorry for you and your friend. Right now it is your presence that matters. Don’t ask, just do. Be there. It’s a long, windy road with no clear map. I’ve been writing a lot about grief lately. Blessings.
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I’m sorry to hear about your grief. It’s hard to lose a loved one. I will check out your posts. Thanks, blessings to you as well.
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Kristian,
Your post shows your compassion and your love for your friend. I know that she will need such friendship for an extended time. My encouragement to you is to continue to be there for her.
When we lose a loved one, for the first month or two we receive deep, heartfelt affection and support. But as time goes by, those supporters mostly go back to their lives and we are left to our grief at the very time the loss starts to feel more real, more permanent.
Prayers were mentioned in some of the comments and they can be powerful. Additionally, you might suggest to your friend to seek out a support group that focuses on the survivors of a suicide in their family.
My wife and I have facilitated a Christian grief support group called GriefShare for the last few years. We have had a number of such survivors of a suicide. These groups provide community and help to keep the person from isolating themselves. There may be a group in your friend’s location. She could check at http://www.griefshare.org.
Also, you might want to read the book ”Aftershock” by David Cox and Candy Arrington that helps us understand what the ongoing impacts are.
Blessings to you and your friend.
John
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Thank you, John. I’m actually bringing her dinner tonight. Her little girl’s make a wish trip to Florida is next, but we have plans to get together when they get back. I can’t say I understand what she’s going through, but I know all too well that feeling when people go back to their normal lives & we’re left to grieve. I went through it with my mom. I will mention the support group to her. Thank you!!
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I am so sorry to hear this. Loss is always hard and you’re absolutely right that the pain never goes away, rather one just learns to live with it. I’ve observed grief quite closely in the last few months as I lost my father. It compelled me to write a blog post about it today to help others understand grief as well. You’re already doing a great job by being there for your friends. Love and support is all one needs during just difficult times. Much love. xx
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I’m so sorry to hear about your father. It’s not easy losing a parent. Thank you for your kind and supportive words. I will check out your post. Love & hugs!
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It has been the most difficult time but I try to focus more on the happy memories. 🙂 Thank you! xx
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What a perfect photo you’ve chosen for this post. I’m grateful to have found this, well written.
It’s so very hard to comfort ourselves or another in grief, but knowing someone is beside me helps at times and when it doesn’t help, they’re still appreciated. So sorry for your losses 😦
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Thank you so much!!
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