People are sometimes confused at how quickly I can cry, how quickly I can become attached to someone, including fictional characters. There’s one thing you must understand, I give everything I have when it involves the people I am close to. If you are a part of my circle (and sometimes even if you aren’t) I feel things for you, I put myself in your shoes, and I feel things on a very deep level. I am not saying I completely understand what you’re going through, because I don’t, we all experience things differently, but for those of you who do not get emotional, and cannot comprehend why some of us cry at the drop of a hat, I am hoping that this well help you understand what it’s like for those of us who do.
When my mother died I did not just grieve for myself, in fact; I don’t think I truly grieved for myself until just a couple of months ago. I grieved the most for my dad, brother & aunt, but I also grieved for anyone that had the pleasure of not only knowing my mother, but considering her a friend. My mother was the most “motherly” woman I have ever met. She was kind, sweet, & loving. She had a heart of gold, and she too felt things on a deep level. She couldn’t watch the news without breaking into tears over a house that was damaged in a flood or a fire, and if there was a way she could help those people, she found it!
I cannot tell you the number of times I cried for a very dear friend who was having trouble getting pregnant, how many nights I longed to give her some sort of comfort, and feeling completely helpless because there was nothing I could do. I prayed and begged God to make her a mother, I’ve known this friend since I was 5 and I can say with certainty that the one thing she wanted most in life was to be a mommy. Finally, our prayers were answered, and just as devastated as I was for my friend that she was having difficulty conceiving, I was so overwhelmed with joy that I cried when she sent me her a picture of her first sonogram. Here we are almost 8 months later, and I still get misty eyed thinking about all that she had to go through to have her precious daughter, but it was all worth it, and that little girl is deeply loved by many, yours truly, included!
When Neil’s aunt passed away it was so unexpected, I remember I was sitting at the parking lot in Wal-Mart, I had gone grocery shopping that day, and I checked my phone and had 5 missed calls from Neil. I called him immediately, afraid that something had happened. I never dreamt it would have been those words, not Aunt P, I couldn’t believe it! I had to pull my truck over on the side of the road on the way home from the grocery store. I dearly loved aunt P, and I was devastated, but having lost my mother only 6 months prior to her death, my heart hurt the most for her children. I wanted to rush to their side and latch onto them. It’s not a fun club to be a part of, & it happened so suddenly. My heart still breaks for them as I write this!
When something tragic happens to those I hold closest to me, my heart stops for a second, I literally lose my breath, and I physically hurt for them., and in the same sense I become overjoyed when they share happy news!
I’m a lot like my mother, I am a very sensitive person, and I empathize with people. My new obsession is BBC Sherlock. Sherlock is an arrogant, self-righteous, narcissist. Not someone that most people like or get along with, however; Benedict Cumberbatch is such an amazing actor that he pulls you in, and you can’t help but like the guy. There is one episode in particular where it shows Sherlock as a little boy, and you realize the lies he’s been fed as a child, no wonder he’s the way he is, and people think that Sherlock is so cold hearted that he doesn’t feel, but that isn’t the case at all. There have been numerous times Sherlock has shown emotion, he is human. There have been a couple of episodes where I have cried right along with him. I know it’s silly, I realize he’s not a real person, but I don’t know how to not put myself in his shoes, to empathize with him and comprehend on some level the pain he is feeling, again, this is all thanks to Benedict Cumberbatch & his phenomenal acting skills, he has serious talent, and has become tied with Johnny Depp for my all-time favorite actor. He’s amazing!
When it comes to me, I am my own worst critic, and a bit of a perfectionist, so when something is not exactly the way I think it should be, I put myself down. My feelings get hurt easily because if I am willing to open up to you it means I trust you. I feel let down when others disregard my feelings or put down my ideas, and you must understand that if I’m sharing my ideas with you, it means I, being the perfectionist, self-critic that I am have thought long and hard about these ideas, so for someone to completely dismiss them makes me feel horrible. This is not to say I can’t take constructive criticism, because I can, but I always feel a little let down, I can’t help it.
Basically, for me at least, when I feel something it comes on so strongly, it hits me like a freight train. If I have ever told you “I love you.” I mean those words every time I say them. I don’t just say them because it’s what you are supposed to say. What I’m really saying is I love YOU, I love everything about you, I’m glad you are a part of my life, and when you hurt, I hurt. When you celebrate your successes, I celebrate right along with you. You’ve carved a spot in my heart, and a part of my soul belongs to you. I’ve given you a part of me, and I promise to be the best possible wife, friend, daughter, sister, niece, cousin, lover, etc… to you. I may not call as often as I should, and I may not see you as often as we like, but know this…if you are my friend or family, I love you, and I will ALWAYS be there for you, and you are a part of me, and just because I may not always reach out as often as I should, does not mean that I don’t think of you. Each and every one of you are constantly in my thoughts. I’m just really bad about putting those thoughts into actions sometimes! 🙂
I apologize for the long post, but it’s been on my heart to write this for some time now. I hope this shed a little light for those of you who are not as emotional as some of us.
Are you an emotional person, do you have any of these same thoughts or feelings when it comes to your loved ones, or just people in general?
Love & life lessons,